Tonight as I am writing this, I just finished planning my daughters SECOND birthday party. I have been putting it off for far too long, we have been potty training (insert eye roll here) and it seemed to give me a good excuse to not have to face it. This is where the screw ups usually begin. I put off things that are painful or things that make me down right emotional until I am forced to deal with what ever the circumstance may be. In turn causing everything to be much more dramatic and stessful than it would have been in the first place. Kinnnda like right now, see what I am doing here?
If we are being honest, this is all moving way too fast for me. Two. How in the world is she already going to be two? I can still remember the day I found out about her, and all the emotions come flooding back (cue the tears). I would’ve never guessed that those two little blue lines would change my heart so much…
At 11 pm sitting in the floor waiting for the result to come in, little did I know it was just you and me girl. At 3 in the morning when I was trying to figure out how was I ever going to be able to do this, it was just you and me girl. When I was trying to find the courage to tell our families about you, it was just you and me girl. As I walked down the isle to marry your daddy, it was just you and me girl. All of those 2am, 3am, 3:25am (you get it) bathroom trips, it was just you and me girl. As I sat in your nursery rocking back and fourth in your rocking chair asking God how I was going to be able to do this, it was still just you and me girl. As I sat in the hospital bed waiting for my epidural, we listened to your daddy snore, and it was just you and me girl. As our doctor placed your little body on my chest, it was just you and me girl. Middle of the night nursing, bathroom nursing, many many diaper changes, late night/early morning crying because you missed me, it was all just me and you girl. I am having trouble letting go. I find all of my comfort in those little chubby arms. Every night as I put her to bed I can physically feel her body growing, and as when we are standing in her room swaying side to side I feel the closest to God that I have ever felt. This is his child and he picked us to care for her.
“He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”” Mark 9:36-37 NIV
I will never forget the way I felt when they handed her to me. I was literally holding the weight of the world in my hands. I vividly remember thinking “how am I going to raise her in a world like this?” From that moment on my heart has been different. At the end of the day I sit down knowing I have given everything I have whether I’ve got it to give or not. I do it with contentment and perseverance in my heart. How was I going to raise her in a world like this? With a lot of Jesus, a lot of prayer and a lot of love. There is no other way. So as she turns another year older, we are fulfilling his plan for us. I will desperately cling to all of the times we shared “just you and me girl.”
Tara Hobgood Photography