Safe. 

Right now. In this very moment, we are standing in line at target and I literally want to just lay down in the floor.

 I. 

am. 

tired. 

Tired of the constant struggle. Tired of the whining. Tired of listening to Peppa freaking pig on repeat. Tired of the tantrums. Tired of this day. You know, when your almost two year old asks for something? and you {literally} squeeze your butt cheeks together because you already know when you say no that this whole building is fixing to go up in flames.

yeah.

Today, it was over PEPPA PIG TENNIS SHOES. Whose terrible idea was this? Great marketing technique, but HORRIBLE idea. While listening to the epic meltdown taking place in the cart (and yes, people are now staring). I couldn’t help but curse the fool that said “Hey, let’s make a Peppa pig tennis shoe. You know that all the little girls that come by these will cry and scream and beg for them. And their mom’s ha! I bet their mom’s haven’t showered in a few days, decided to get brave and get out of the house for a bit. By the time they get to this point, she won’t be able to take it anymore. She will buy the shoes, just to make it all stop.” That’s pretty much exactly how it all went. Except.. I refused to buy the shoes. I refused to give in. By not buying the shoes, hopefully she is learning something. It is completely unacceptable to behave this way and then expect to get what you want. Being a mom is hard. So hard. And sometimes it’s (dare I say it) ugly. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do it anymore. That I am failing so miserably. 

Just when I feel myself ducking down about to get down on my knees, I catch a glimpse of Lyncoln’s face. She has a slight grin and as we make eye contact, she crinkles that tiny little button nose. I found the courage to lock my knees, roll the basket forward and keep checking things off of my list. 

So. many. times. I feel like I am failing my family, failing my husband, failing my kids, failing myself, and failing my God. And just when I don’t think I can’t take one more step, God steps in and saves me. Every. Single. Time. He shows me the beauty in my circumstances, shows me grace, and shows me his unfailing love. Life is a baseball game that we are all playing. Each day is a new game, and each circumstance is a new inning. Today as I am rounding third base I am fighting to reach home plate.  And as I am sliding into home I hear him whisper “safe.” He picks me up and dusts me off, and gives me the strength to go again. He is always there encouraging me, and coaching me through life. It is me that has to choose to listen to him or listen to the stands.

This morning as we are standing in church and tears are steadily streaming down my face singing, “Weak made strong, in the savior’s love.” I instantly get chills running up and down my spine and I realize that I am not alone. He is always with me, lifting me up when I am too weak to stand. Pushing me to be my best and carrying me when I cannot walk. My prayer for all of you reading this, is that you feel his unfailing love. I pray that you too get to experience this. I deserve, Nothing. And yet he blessed me with this life. This absolutely humbling, beautiful, crazy, and sometimes ugly life. 

Cornerstone-Hillsong United 

—the average mama 

4 thoughts on “Safe. 

  1. Donna says:

    Oh, honey, your words are so inspiring. You are quite a writer. And an entirely lovely human being. Your sweet girls are very lucky to have such a caring, loving mommy. Your words made my day.

    Like

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